Fantasy Acting League 2017 – Round Nine

It might seem that it has been a while since we’ve done a Fantasy Acting League, but there is a good reason for that. I sat down to write up Round Nine a month ago, using the latest copy of Empire magazine, but it turned out Domnhall Gleeson and Idris Elba were the only two people to score. And not very highly at that. Therefore, I thought you guys would much rather hang on and have an action-packed round the following month. And fuck me, I have an action-packed game-changer for you today. For one, both Domnhall Gleeson and Idris Elba have doubled up on movies since last time (Gleeson has tripled up, which is lucky for a certain Oracle of Film!). And there has been a slew of points scored, which makes for an amazing read. Have you climbed the table? Or fallen?

This Round’s Movies

(NB: There are a few movies missing from this list. I am writing this article on the train and am away from the majority of my notes. I thought you would like this article sooner rather than later, so I am posting it now and will fill in the gaps on this list later. Therefore, for the likes of Cinema Parrot Disco, who want to scrutinise my scoring and point out every bleeding mistake – watch this space!)

American Made
Goodbye Christopher Robin
mother!
The Dark Tower
Mountains Between Us
Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Jungle
The Glass Castle
Breathe

The Teams

Abbi Osbiston – 0 (+25) = 25
Tom Hardy – 0
Ryan Gosling – 0
Jack O’Connell – 0
Elle Fanning – 0
Imogen Poots – 0
Dakota Johnson – 0

Emma K Wall (Tells It All) – 12 (+17) = 29
Ryan Reynolds – 0
Daniel Radcliffe – 5
Tom Hiddleston – 0
Kristen Wiig – 0
Jennifer Lawrence – 7
Rose Byrne – 0

Rhyme and Reason – 15 (+22) = 37
John Goodman – 2
Domhnall Gleeson – 13
J.K. Simmons – 0
Toni Collette – 0
Maika Monroe – 0
Chloe Sevigny – 0

Slip/Through Movies – 0 (+42) = 42
Dwayne Johnson – 0
Vin Diesel – 0
John Boyega – 0
Daisy Ridley – 0
Gal Gadot – 0
Emma Watson – 0

Movie Rob – 6 (+42) = 48
Andrew Garfield – 6
Michael Shannon – 0
Oscar Isaac – 0
Emma Watson – 0
Natalie Portman – 0
Jessica Chastain – 0

Marked Movies – 0 (+52) = 52
Michael Fassbender – 0
Oscar Isaac – 0
JK Simmons – 0
Jessica Chastain – 0
Alicia Vikander – 0
Katherine Waterston – 0

Verbal Spew – 5 (+48) = 53
Gal Gadot – 0
Tilda Swinton – 0
Rebecca Ferguson – 0
James Franco – 0
Woody Harrelson – 5
J. K Simmons – 0

Vinnieh – 6 (+52) = 58
Michael Shannon – 0
Michael Fassbender – 0
Joel Edgerton – 0
Natalie Portman – 0
Julianne Moore – 6
Rachel Weisz – 0

Debra Vega – 11 (+47) = 58
Oscar Isaacs – 0
J. K Simmons – 0
Woody Harrelson – 5
Charlize Theron – 0
Noomi Rapace – 0
Brie Larson – 6

Oracle of Film – 25 (+36) = 61
Andrew Garfield – 6
Michael Fassbender – 0
Domnhall Gleeson – 13
Chloe Grace Moretz – 0
Maika Monroe – 0
Brie Larson – 6

What About the Twinkie – 11 (+56) = 67
Dwayne Johnson – 0
Woody Harrelson – 5
Keanu Reeves – 0
Gal Gadot – 0
Brie Larson – 6
Charlize Theron – 0

What About Movies – Lily – 5 (+ 63) = 68
J.K. Simmons – 0
James Franco – 0
Woody Harrelson – 5
Rooney Mara – 0
Katherine Waterston – 0
Elle Fanning- 0

Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger – 23 (+46) = 69
Michael Fassbender – 0
Idris Elba – 11
Tom Holland – 0
Emma Watson – 0
Brie Larson – 6
Kate Winslet – 6

Fairytale Pictures – 18 (+52) = 70
Domhnall Gleeson – 13
Oscar Isaac – 0
Rooney Mara – 0
Rebecca Ferguson – 0
Woody Harrelson – 5
Katherine Waterston – 0

WINNER
Cinema Parrot Disco – 8 (+63) = 71
J.K. Simmons – 0
John Goodman – 2
Samuel L. Jackson – 0
Rebecca Ferguson – 0
Elle Fanning – 0
Brie Larson – 6

How The Actors Scored

John Goodman – 2 (Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – Supporting Role: 2; Two Stars: 0)
Idris Elba – 11 (The Dark Tower – Lead Role: 3; Two Stars: 0; Empire compliments performance: 2/ Mountains Between Us – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Kate Winslet – 6 (Mountains Between Us – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Domnhall Gleeson – 13 (American Made – Supporting Role: 2; Four Stars: 2/ mother! – Supporting Role: 2; Four Stars: 2/ Goodbye Christopher Robin – Lead Role: 3; Four Stars: 2)
Jennifer Lawrence – 7 (mother! – Lead Role: 3; Four Stars: 2; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Daniel Radcliffe – 5 (Jungle – Lead Role: 3; Two Stars: 0; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Andrew Garfield – 6 (Breathe – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Brie Larson – 6 (The Glass Castle – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Woody Harrelson – 5 (The Glass Castle – Supporting Role: 2; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Julianne Moore – 6 (Kingsman: The Golden Circle – Supporting Role: 2; Four Stars: 2; Empire compliments performance: 2)

Round Analysis

I want to tell you a story. This story is about a girl from Finland called Satu. She kept herself to herself, wrote a great blog about movies called Fairytale Pictures and quietly exuded awesomeness. Then one day, she woke up. She woke up and she said to herself: today, I am going to win the Fantasy Acting League. Therefore, she accumulated one of the greatest teams known to Hollywood. People scoffed when she put Domnhall Gleeson in her team, because he wasn’t in many films all year. But she knew deep down, that she was playing the waiting game. While the likes of Cinema Parrot Disco, Sporadic Chronicles and What About Movies squabbled over how many J. K Simmons films they could squeeze into the year (a shitload it turns out!), Satu waited. And then the day came. American Made, Goodbye Christopher Robin and mother! came out in one fell swoop. And she knew The Last Jedi was just around the corner, with her skinny, ginger champion. It wasn’t easy… hell, mother!’s content will haunt her until her dying days. But, the result was tremendous. She escaped the middle of the pack and planted herself in second place, a single point behind Cinema Parrot Disco’s fire-breathing blogger (I am assuming CPD breathes fire! It feels the most logical assumption). The war was not over, but she was ready to take the final swoop.

Genuine photo of Cinema Parrot Disco

She was not the only hero of the hour. Zoe Zermatten from Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger used the help of Mountains Between Us to, ironically given the film in question, overcome the hurdles she was facing. Third place was a worthy result. Vinnieh continued to climb steadily. The Oracle of Film remained the most handsome person in the tournament. And, meanwhile, in the depths of last place, Abbi Obsiston stirred. Things were not going well. People were having fun at the top of the table. Abbi hated fun. She scowled and nodded confidently to herself.

It was time to release the Gosling!