Fantasy Acting League 2017: Round Four

And we are back. Sooner than I expected. Or maybe these monthly forages into the anarchy of the film critic world are just so prominent they put the rest of my life into a hazy background, the hum-drum of life before I have to put on my armour and do battle with Cinema Parrot Disco. This week doesn’t necessarily add to the title race, the top four inching a tad higher but not breaking any boundaries. As I am sure none of you will be surprised to hear, Cinema Parrot Disco does not lose her gigantic lead this round. But what does happen is some of the bottom half finally stir to action, as the summer blockbuster season throws out its first few gambits and the more boisterous actors, like Dwayne Johnson and Ryan Reynolds begin to come to life. Once again, it is becoming harder to see who is going to come out on top of this one.

I have little news this week, other than small updates for you. The Murder Mystery company I mentioned last time: I have done two performances so far and both went well. The first saw a few teething problems, but this week, I got to play a nasty character, which is always more fun than playing the good guys. Imagine Simon Cowell crossed with Joffrey and you can pretty much picture how I approached the character. Hopefully my time at the company can only get stronger. Now for the longer term readers among us, you might know a little bit about my time as a director. I have been directing a web series called Call Me Church for the last year and this week, I killed off one of the best characters. That should be finished by the end of the year and hopefully a trailer will be put together within a few months. I have also been directing a top secret feature film project. The reason it was secret was because I was rearing it to go to Cannes. It was a long-shot, but I always believe it is important to aim for the impossible and even if you miss the mark, you usually hit something quite big. It will come as no surprise to hear that Cannes politely declined my film, but this does mean that I am allowed to start the publicity campaign. My film is called From the Ground, is being entered into a Belgian film festival and will hopefully make a cinema run in the South West of England this year. I am starting the advertising campaign this month, so you might have a Facebook page invitation whipping its way around on the next Fantasy Acting article. Also, if everything goes to plan, I might be asking you guys to review it this Winter. But enough excitement. We’ve got a Cinema Parrot Disco to slay.

P.S: Happy Birthday for this week Zoe Zermatten.

This Round’s Movies

Fast and Furious 8
The Promise
Clash
Heal the Living
Whisky Galore!
Jawbone
Handsome Devil
Finding Fatimah
The Transfiguration
A Dog’s Purpose
Lady Macbeth
The Levelling
Miss Sloane
The Belko Experiment
Unlocked
Letters From Baghdad
Mindhorn
Their Finest
Going In Style
Smurfs: The Lost Village
Power Rangers
Ghost in the Shell
Chips
The Boss Baby
Life
Sand Castle

The Teams

Abbi Osbiston – 0 (+7) = 7
Tom Hardy – 0
Ryan Gosling – 0
Jack O’Connell – 0
Elle Fanning – 0
Imogen Poots – 0
Dakota Johnson – 0

Emma K Wall (Tells It All) – 6 (+3) = 9
Ryan Reynolds – 6
Daniel Radcliffe – 0
Tom Hiddleston – 0
Kristen Wiig – 0
Jennifer Lawrence – 0
Rose Byrne – 0

What About Movies – Lily – 0 (+10) = 10
J.K. Simmons – 0
James Franco – 0
Woody Harrelson – 0
Rooney Mara – 0
Katherine Waterston – 0
Elle Fanning- 0

Fairytale Pictures – 10
Domhnall Gleeson – 0
Oscar Isaac – 6
Rooney Mara – 0
Rebecca Ferguson – 4
Woody Harrelson – 0
Katherine Waterston – 0

Verbal Spew – 10 (+3) = 13
Gal Gadot – 0
Tilda Swinton – 6
Rebecca Ferguson – 4
James Franco – 0
Woody Harrelson – 0
J. K Simmons – 0

Rhyme and Reason – 2 (+12) = 14
John Goodman – 0
Domhnall Gleeson – 0
J.K. Simmons – 0
Toni Collette – 2
Maika Monroe – 0
Chloe Sevigny – 0

Vinnieh – 0 (+22) = 22
Michael Shannon – 0
Michael Fassbender – 0
Joel Edgerton – 0
Natalie Portman – 0
Julianne Moore – 0
Rachel Weisz – 0

Marked Movies – 12 (+10) = 22
Michael Fassbender – 0
Oscar Isaac – 6
JK Simmons – 0
Jessica Chastain – 6
Alicia Vikander – 0
Katherine Waterston – 0

Slip/Through Movies – 7 (+16) = 23
Dwayne Johnson – 5
Vin Diesel – 2
John Boyega – 0
Daisy Ridley – 0
Gal Gadot – 0
Emma Watson – 0

Oracle of Film – 0 (+23) = 23
Andrew Garfield – 0
Michael Fassbender – 0
Domnhall Gleeson – 0
Chloe Grace Moretz – 0
Maika Monroe – 0
Brie Larson – 0

What About the Twinkie – 8 (+16) = 24
Dwayne Johnson – 5
Woody Harrelson – 0
Keanu Reeves – 0
Gal Gadot – 0
Brie Larson – 0
Charlize Theron – 3

Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger – 0 (+26) = 26
Michael Fassbender – 0
Idris Elba – 0
Tom Holland – 0
Emma Watson – 0
Brie Larson – 0
Kate Winslet – 0

Debra Vega – 14 (+12) = 26
Oscar Isaacs – 6
J. K Simmons – 0
Woody Harrelson – 0
Charlize Theron – 3
Noomi Rapace – 5
Brie Larson – 0

Movie Rob – 12 (+18) = 30
Andrew Garfield – 0
Michael Shannon – 0
Oscar Isaac – 6
Emma Watson – 0
Natalie Portman – 0
Jessica Chastain – 6

WINNER
Cinema Parrot Disco – 4 (+40) = 44
J.K. Simmons – 0
John Goodman – 0
Samuel L. Jackson – 0
Rebecca Ferguson – 4
Elle Fanning – 0
Brie Larson – 0

How The Teams Scored
Vin Diesel – 2 (Fast and Furious 8 – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 3; Empire criticises performance: -2)
Dwayne Johnson – 5 (Fast and Furious 8 – Supporting Role: 2; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Charlize Theron – 3 (Fast and Furious 8 – Supporting Role: 2; Three Stars: 1)
Jessica Chastain – 6 (Miss Sloane – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Rebecca Ferguson – 4 (Life – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1)
Ryan Reynolds – 6 (Life – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance – 2)
Noomi Rapace – 5 (Unlocked – Lead Role: 3; Two Stars: 0; Empire compliments performance – 2)
Toni Collette – 2 (Unlocked – Supporting Role: 2; Two Stars: 0)
Oscar Isaacs – 6 (The Promise – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)
Tilda Swinton – 6 (Letters from Baghdad – Lead Role: 3; Three Stars: 1; Empire compliments performance: 2)

Round Analysis

Sadly it looks like it was one of those months when Empire magazine refused to be amused. Endless car explosions? Meh, three stars. The trio of Bale, Isaacs and LeBon in an edgy political drama? Yawn, three stars. The latest Jessica Chastain legal character piece? That was so 2013, three stars. So sadly, this month is one of those cases where our precise actor choosing has been let down by the Empire team being in a grouchy mood. But hey, that is part of the game and while it meant that the rush forwards from the likes of Movie Rob, Debra Vega and Marked Movies were only hops towards the finish line.

Wait… I don’t get points for those BT Ads?

But it is still something to celebrate. There is a clear divide in the middle of the table, where the bottom half break away. Those on the other side of the line are pretty much neck and neck, one week away from blasting into first place, essentially a mass of racers currently smushed into second place. There still isn’t too much for Cinema Parrot Disco to worry about just yet, especially if she keeps collecting consistent modest scoring from the likes of Rebecca Ferguson. So, maybe this round isn’t as Fast and Furious as we would have liked from this month, but it’s hardly a Smurfs’ Lost Village. Good things are just around the corner. That’s The Promise.