Dear Wrecking Ball Jr.
This is your mother writing here. I am going to skip the pleasantries and cut right to the chase, son. Me and your father are worried about you. You are our only son and we support all your decisions, but we are struggling to come to terms with some of your latest choices. Yes, I am talking about that dreadful video that is trending on the internet.
Don’t ask me how I incorporated a link into a letter, son? That’s not important. What is important is you with that Miley Cyrus girl of yours. Are you just co-workers? Or are you romantically involved with this girl? At first the situation seemed ideal. The lure of Hollywood calling you into the world of acting. That talent agency answering your portfolio and saying that you had the right look for a music video he was filming with that Hannah Montana girl. When you were a baby wrecking ball you used to watch that show? She was your childhood hero, so I understand that you jumped at the job. I admit I was thrilled to see my son in the papers, a hero for the Wrecking Ball family.
However, I believe that girl has led you astray. There you are, naked, cavorting with that Jar Jar Binks wannabe. My family has been reduced to the town’s daily gossip. We can see your round rump just shining there, as though you don’t have a care in the world. And that dazed look in your metal? Drugs?! Are you on drugs, son?! If you are, then I demand you return home immediately. We need to get you away from that awful girl. She is corrupting my baby boy. Now I know what the Big Fuzzy Dice family went through when their daughter showed up on that ‘Blurred Lines’ video.
Your father is handling it poorly. He spends more time at work now, at the construction yard. He has got into a fight with his co-workers. He was caught battling with them – it was like a giant Conkers match. And it’s not just at work. He comes home, drunk, and begins smashing up the house. We’ve had to repair it several times now. I spend my nights, nervously in my room, while he goes down to the pub and cries his sorrow into a pint of cement. You have no idea how your actions have destroyed our family!
But we can put this behind us. Just come home to us. Put your partying ways behind you and let your dad show you the ropes of construction. The music industry has a way of taking young stars and turning them into monsters, socially unaware and distant from the rest of the world. We do not want that for you. We love you, Wrecking Ball Jr. Please stop.
Your ever loving,
P.S: At least you can’t shave ur head bald, LOL.