OK, before I begin, the Youtube videos below are NFSW, which means Not Suitable For Work. The joke works best, when I provide the uncensored videos which have all of the swearing and nasty words. I really like all of the songs below, but god, I am ashamed to play them. It is the kind of song, where you listen to them in the corner, enjoying yourself, but pausing it quickly whenever someone comes into the room. Headphones required.
3 – KHIA – MY NECK, MY BACK
We all know this one. For a band that I can never remember the name of, it is pretty fair to say that this song has kind of gone down in history. Whenever a RnB anthem album is collated, this song is usually in there somewhere. The thing is I remember listening to this song, when it first came out and as I became older and became more ‘socially aware’, this song got dirtier and dirtier. Every word suddenly meant something rude. “This song isn’t about a lady licking her cat clean?!”
The truth is, underneath all of the sexual innuendo and chauvinistic music video is a damn good song. It is catchy, we all know the words (even if we don’t know the exact definitions), and it is really easy to dance to. There have been several moments where I realised that I fancy listening to this song, but realised that it wouldn’t really be appropriate given the rest of the people in the room. Fifth birthday parties always cramp my style.
2 – EMINEM FT NATE DOGG – SHAKE DAT ASS
To be honest, any Eminem song can go here, really, as his songs are so full with swearing and woman-hating. But some of the lyrics in this one are so priceless, I had to include them.
Smoke so much weed you wouldn’t believe
And I get more ass than a toilet seat
I’m a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist
Open your mouth for about four or five minutes
Take a little bit of this fluoride rin-inse
Swish but don’t spit it, swallow it now finish
Priceless. Anyway, anecdote time! My best mate is a DJ and sometimes I go along and help him set up his equipment. There was this eighteenth birthday party, where some lad’s parents emptied out their barn (they were farmers), let him invite all of his mates around and the DJ (us) could play music as loud as we wanted, as there were no neighbours. The downside was the fact that his parents invited the whole family along (uncles, grandparents, young children). It was a fairly big evening after all, so the entire family deserved to be a part of it. As the night start, the mother called my mate, Malcolm, over. Malcolm told me to start up the decks and choose a few starting songs. The mum basically wanted to tell Malcolm that because of the kids, she would appreciate him steering away from songs with too much swearing. Malcolm agreed and just as he did that, I began the night with this little Eminem tune. I have been told the expressions on her face was priceless.
Anyway, I am not allowed to help Malcolm DJ anymore…
1 – AZEALIA BANKS – 212
What I like about this song is that it take a while for you to realize how bad the lyrics get. For a long while, it doesn’t seem like anything out of the ordinary. A bit of swearing, but nothing we haven’t seen so many times before. And then Azealia starts talking about ‘that c*** getting eaten’. And the first time you hear that line it stops everyone, without fail, in their tracks.
I am not a massive fan of that particular word, unless you have a specific reason to use it. Mainly, people use it for the shock value. The second the C*** word is dropped, everyone perks up. It is impossible to ignore, even if it sadly is becoming more and more common (depends how often you hang out with drunk people). Which why this song became a hit. For one, it’s a damn good song; the c*** word gamble would not, and should not, have worked, if this was some utter rubbish. And for having the balls to pitch this and get it past the censors, there is a fair amount of respect. You cannot help, but admire this song for going to that place, where no one else dared to take their music.
BONUS ENTRY – AFRO-ASIAN BOY – HEY BABY
I spent a good while, debating whether this one should make the cut. It’s not actually a real song, but someone who has got himself some Auto-tune device and made a Youtube video. I usually hate this stuff, but this is quite clearly done with the purpose of making you laugh, which I cannot fault in the slightest. I decided you need this in your lives, so therefore: bonus entry!
This could very well be my new favourite song. The lyrics are the kind of stuff that would make you roll on the floor laughing, till you die of rib-splitting. It’s not just the lyrics. It’s the face, as well. You totally believe that if he was to actually try and pull with this song, he could make it work. Who wouldn’t want to sleep with this guy?
But jokes aside, it is a damn good song. It is such a shame that I can never see any DJ being brave enough to begin playing it in a club. However, if you find yourself in charge of the music at a house party, put this song and you will not regret it.
On a side note, I am not allowed to DJ at house parties any more…
Oracle of Film 
I was always partial to Lil Kim’s “How Many Licks?” myself. ;D