Ever since Space Invaders, games have pretty much followed a structure, where the further you get in the game, the harder the game gets. This feels fairly logical. For one, it takes a while to get to grips with a new game; therefore a steady rise in difficulty is usually appreciated. Also, when your Dad tries his hand at a video game, you can usually just stick him on the first level to avoid too much embarrassment. So following this train of thought, surely the final boss should be one of the hardest features in the game. This would be the common consensus, especially from anyone that took on Wesker at the end of the fifth Resident Evil game.
Below are three final bosses that, quite frankly, were so pathetic that they deserve a disapproving shake of the head, as you finally rid the world of their embarrassment to the video gaming community. And seeing as the video gaming community is something that came up with a boxing Velicoraptor in Tekken, that takes some doing.
3 – LAMBENT BRUHAK – GEARS OF WAR 2
Bruhaks are awesome. So in theory, Lambent Bruhaks must be unstoppable. In Gears of War terms, Lambent basically means ‘something we’ve already fought before, but stronger, weirder and more explosive’. To top that off, the game decides to end with this particular boss, so we were getting ready for the fight of our lives. The last game ended with RAAM, who was the only boss in the Gears game I properly struggled with. When playing Xbox, I rarely rage-quit, but RAAM turned me into that spoilt fat kid, who takes everyone’s football, because he ‘brought’ it.
Watch that video and you will see that the player kills the boss in under a minute. Around 40 seconds to be exact. It is simply a case of watching a cut-scene and then aiming at him. I got a slight finger cramp, but seeing as Gears of War is a franchise based on giving yourself finger-cramps, like a self-harmer with OCD, I was comfortable with that. As the end scene plays out, you are expecting the real boss to show up as a final fight, but it never happens. The game ends and you kind of just sit there, awkwardly, surprised it was over this quickly. (Like how your mum felt last night… wait, that insult doesn’t benefit any of us).
2 – THE JOKER – ARKHAM ASYLUM
The Joker is probably the biggest anti-climax of them all. The entire game of Arkham Asylum consists of the Joker endlessly taunting you, as you get closer and closer to him. I wasn’t really expecting much of a battle, but when the writers introduced the Titan Joker (a cross between the Joker and Bane), I was excited. This could be an awesome battle.
In reality, it was painfully easy. As in real painful. First, you just dodge his attacks, which is easy, because he is a lumbering hulk of a clown. And then he gets bored. Yeah, bored. I know that he is a titan right now, but at the same time, he is dealing with Batman. The Joker is the one person who should know never to just turn your back on the Bat, until he is physically pummelled into the ground, multiple times. Then he calls in his guards (you know, those people you can pretty much beat up in your sleep at this point of the game). You take care of them and then use your Batclaw to pull the Joker to the ground, who stands there with his back to you the entire time.
And then you repeat three times. It is that easy. Not only does the Joker get bored and leave the fight three times, but he falls for the same stupid move. It is repetitive, but worst of all, easy. I was expecting this kind of fight, as the game had been handing them out for a while now, but at least Poison Ivy (the penultimate boss), was difficult. The Joker talked the talk, but when it came to fighting Batman, he failed miserably.
1 – GNASTY GNORC – SPYRO THE DRAGON
I’ve talked about how easy the first Spyro game was before, but the boss himself deserves a whole other article, so I can break down just how disappointed I was with this battle.
Gnasty Gnorc is the big green guy on the cover of the game itself. He is covered in armour, as a guy that can supposedly kill you immediately and convinces the gamer that he managed to wipe out all but one dragon. So he is a big deal, right? Then how come when the time comes to take on this villain, he crumbles like the bully at school, once you bring up how his father never truly loved him. Maybe there is some symbolism going on here, but when the message gets in the way of the gameplay, I begin to have a problem with it.
The trick is actually catching up with Gnorc. First, you catch some egg-thieves, who for some reason have taken it upon themselves to hold keys for Gnorc. When you get onto the same floor, you have to chase him down, making sure he never has time to turn around and blast you. This takes about a minute give or take, but when he reaches a dead end, he turns to face you and…
One hit! That’s all it takes. It’s not even as though he really ever stood a chance. His attempt at killing you first is slow, compared to a video game character that we are encouraged to make run as fast as possible. It doesn’t feel right killing him for some reason. I know he is pretty much the video game version of a terrorist, but when we chase him down and mercilessly set him on fire, I kind of felt a little bad. A little…