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I was chilling this weekend, minding my own business, with the radio blaring through the living room. I was listening to Capital FM, so it was pretty much six songs on repeat, two of those songs being Taylor Swift. Then the Radio DJ got really excited, because they got permission to play a seventh song. Not only that but it was brand new: a first listen at Carly Rae Jepson’s song. I was excited. I wrote the singer down as an one-trick pony with ‘Call Me Maybe’ (all the usual signs were there), but she came back with a decent duet with Owl City. It looked like the singer was here to stay. I looked forward to seeing what she had come up with.

Before we continue, I shall admit that I like this song. I think it is her best yet. I can see people screaming this at the top of their lungs in a club. I can see me screaming this at the top of my lungs in a club. But, on the first few listens, I had to admit that it was creepy as shit. Like ‘Overly-attached girlfriend’ creepy. Most of you probably noticed this already, but, if not, let me break down the first verse for you to get my point across.

6 – “I WANT TO SMASH YOUR FEARS.”

This is the first line of the song. I guess it could be argued that this isn’t that threatening a lyric, just a weird metaphor. Carly Rae wants to get rid of her new boyfriend’s fears. Or something. I guess that is fairly standard love song territory, but the word ‘smash’ just jolts you as the song kicks in. Carly Rae doesn’t just want to get rid of fears, she wants to destroy them. Maybe some people will find that comforting, but I would worry that the girl I with has a violent past. Probably wanted for the murder of the last boy who didn’t call her back.

5 – “DON’T YOU SHARE YOUR SMILE WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!”

A few lines later, we get this charming lyric. Now, last time I checked me and my girlfriend came to the decision that we would rule out smiling at other people as cheating. It was a tough decision, but we are a strong enough couple to cope with the image of each other showing people of the same gender our teeth. Otherwise I have been accidentally having an affair with the waitress I order my latte from in the local Starbucks for some time now. And I had a one smile stand with the neighbour’s eight year daughter. OK, I took that joke too far. But you get my argument.

It is also important to note the music video opens with creepy found footage, like some musical version of Paranormal Activity.

It is also important to note the music video opens with creepy found footage, like some musical version of Paranormal Activity.

Here Carly Rae is demanded that her new lover doesn’t make any happy interaction with another female ever. No, scratch that. Anyone ever: the lyric is not gender specific. Seriously, find a picture of the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme, stick that lyric underneath it and you will fully understand just how creepy that line is. But it is just a line, right? It’s not like it can get any worse…

4 – “I WANT TO TOUCH YOUR HEART, AND CRUSH IT IN MY HANDS!”

Whoa, OK. This lyric is even more surprising, because Carly Rae sweetly sings to the audience that she wants to touch our hearts (mildly dangerous, but again, love song cliché), but then she adds in the crushing bit, with what I imagine is malicious venom. I have this image of her balling her hand suddenly into a fist, as she was singing this in the recording studio. Maybe a glare of hate at male DJ in the booth in front of her. That DJ decides he isn’t getting paid enough for this shit.

This is the lyric that cements the idea that this song is creepy in our minds. Before, it was just a funny twist of words; something I was thinking of throwing into a ‘funny song lyrics’ article. But after this, there is no denying it. Jepson is insane.

3 – “MAKE A PLEA AND CRY, AS YOU GIVE UP ALL THE LIES!”

OK, now I can only imagine that Carly Rae Jepson is having torture fantasies. This line implies that her ‘ex-boyfriend’ (wasn’t she singing about her current one a few lines ago? I am so confused), has been lying to her. “You told me you wouldn’t tell the police about me drowning that cat!” And now that the bloke has been found out, the interrogation begins. Although, I get the impression Carly Rae doesn’t overly care for answers and just wants to watch the boy burn. Holy shit, is Carly Rae Jepson the Joker?

2 – “PUT OUR FLAME THROUGH EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU’VE SAID!”

Then the bridge kicks in. Oh yeah, didn’t I say? Those other four lines are all squeezed into the first verse of the song. Yeah, now you can see why I heard it and wrote an article about it. It’s just too much unfiltered crazy to ignore. But anyway, to this particular line…

Now it sounds as though rather than moving on to the next victim (sorry, boyfriend), Carly Rae needs to erase every last bit of history with her last lover. And she needs fire to achieve this? By this point in the song, you are staring at the radio, transfixed by this paralysing horror, wondering how her managers let this song get into her album. No, actually I did know. I assumed this was a parody, taking the piss out of ‘breaking up’ songs. Basically, I thought Carly Rae Jepson was taking the mick out of Taylor Swift and I thought that was brilliant. However, then the next thing happened and I realised that Jepson was being deadly serious with this track…

1 – THE REST OF THE SONG CARRIES ON LIKE NORMAL

By this point, thinking this song was a jokey one, I was leaning in, listening hard, waiting for the next punchline. From that last line, the song goes into the chorus, which is your standard dance beat (actually, above standard, if I am being honest). You dance, nod your head and then the second verse kicks in. And that’s the eerie part. It’s not even being creepy anymore.

Sometimes when you sleep, I pretend you are dead... for fun.

Sometimes when you sleep, I pretend you are dead… for fun.

It moves onto some lyrics about Carly Rae having a ‘bad dream’ and ‘a real hard night’: what we would expect from your usual break-up song? Where has the stalker side gone? This is what is so chilling here, because it is implied that the whole ‘setting fire to exes’ stage is the standard phase of getting over a boy. You do that, you feel bad for a while and then you get drunk? I’m not sure, but the lack of scary lyrics suggests that this isn’t a joke song, after all, but Carly Rae was being deadly serious throughout that entire first verse. And that scares the hell out of me.

I can see it now. All of these girls in a club, raving to the chorus, screaming ‘Tonight I am Getting Over You’. It is going to be the next girl anthem and anti-man track, like ‘Single Ladies’. Which is fine. But all of these girls are going to singing this song, unaware that what they are actually singing is terrifying every male around them. ‘Tonight I am Getting Over You’ isn’t meant to mean, I am going to move onto the next man. It means: when I kill you, I am going to be completely guilt-free by the time I have had a round of jagerbombs.

4 thoughts on “6 Reasons the New Carly Rae Jepson Song Is As Creepy As Hell

  1. This is awesome, I LOL’d so much, hilarious! “‘Tonight I am Getting Over You’ isn’t meant to mean, I am going to move onto the next man. It means: when I kill you, I am going to be completely guilt-free by the time I have had a round of jagerbombs.” This is one of the funniest things I have ever read! priceless, just brilliant!! 😀

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