For every Elton John and Gary Barlow out there, you will always be able to find the opposite. Some musicians may be able to pick up and play a guitar (sometimes not even that), but when it comes to writing out a song conveying their feelings lyrically, they can be utterly clueless. Below are ten lyrics that have always made me chuckle. Today you will realise poetic lines has come a long way from the days of Wordsworth and Shakespeare.
I have really enjoyed compiling this list and would love to do it again. Please leave any lyrics I have missed out, so I can check them out and try to do a follow up article on them. Maybe one focused on terrible rap lyrics. I hope I have made you chuckle this morning.
10 – BLACK EYED PEAS – BOOM BOOM POW
The lyric in question: ‘Beat so big I’m stepping on leprechauns.’
Black Eyed Peas were always going to make this list, so I thought I would get them out of the way early. They are well known for being unable to come up with a suitable rhyme to finish their lyrics, so they simply make a word up on the spot and try to breeze over it, crossing their fingers tightly that no one would notice.
In ‘Boom Boom Pow’, it is a different kind of awful lyric. ‘Boom Boom Pow’ is actually a really good song. The beat is great and it is a simple tune to dance along to. You are listening to it, amazed that they haven’t messed up the song, and then as you get to the final verse… Damn it, Will. I. Am! Leprechaun stepping?! Really?!
9 – OWL CITY – FIREFLIES
The lyric in question: ‘Cause I’d get a thousand hugs / From ten thousand lightning bugs’
Owl City are a pretty hit and miss band, although you have to admire their breakthrough song ‘Fireflies’. If only, the band actually looked up what a firefly actually was, before starting the lyrics. Then they would know that these ‘lightning bugs’ didn’t give out hugs. Although if you managed to convince ten thousand insects to dish out the cuddles, your Edward Cullen impression would be fantastic.
8 – OLLY MURS – TROUBLEMAKER
The lyric in question: ‘There must be poison in those finger tips of yours /
Cause I keep comin’ back again for more.’
Here, Olly Murs completely misses the idea of poison. No one has ever been scratched with poisonous fingertips, made it through a painful month in hospital, nursing themselves back to health and then gone: “Again, please.” The girl he is singing about must be pretty damn hot.
7 – MILEY CYRUS – WHO SAID
The lyric in question: ‘There’s no limitations on imagination, Imaginate.’
Oh Miley! I guess Black Eyed Peas wrote this song for you.
6 – REBECCA BLACK – FRIDAY
The lyric in question: ‘Tomorrow is Saturday / And Sunday comes afterwards.’
I don’t really feel the need to add a description here, so I will keep it brief. Rebecca Black obviously threw this lyrics together in five seconds (if it was her that even wrote the song). The best thing about this lyrics is that deep down, she believes that these are what the public want. She genuinely thinks she is pop star quality. Actually, it doesn’t seem funny anymore. Just kind of sad…
5 – R KELLY – IGNITION
The lyric in question: ‘Can I get a toot toot? Can I get a beep beep?’
When in doubt, get children to write your lyrics for you. It almost feels like R Kelly was so lazy when it came to writing his lyrics that he started a competition in the local primary school to see which kid could come up with the best lyrics. And when he picked the winner, he just voted for which ever kid was first on the list. So when you hear this song and wonder why it can be so easily compared to ‘Wheels on the bus’ and ‘the random song a kid plays, when it highjacks the instrument trolley’, at least feel content that R Kelly was thinking of the local primary school.
4 – EMELI SANDE – HEAVEN
The lyric in question: ‘Do you recognise me when I’m on my back? / Something’s gone inside me and I can’t get it back.’
Now, I really do like this song, but these lyrics get me every time. It is a ‘that’s what she said’ joke waiting to happen. Didn’t Sande really not see this coming? Did any of her producers or team look at the lyrics she had written and warned how they could be misconstrued? Or maybe she is genuinely singing about having sex with a short-sighted guy with a very tiny penis.
3 – SHAKIRA – WHENEVER, WHEREVER
The lyric in question: ‘Lucky that my breasts are small and humble / So you don’t confuse them with mountains.’
Aww Shakira… is that what your boyfriend came up, when you asked him how pretty you were?
Boy: Me? Oh, I love small and humble breasts! Flat chests are the new turn-on. Honest. Now leave me alone with the laptop and don’t come in for the next ten to twenty minutes!
2 – SHANIA TWAIN – HONEY, I’M HOME
The lyric in question: ‘With all this stress I must confess, this could be worse than PMS.’
1 – NICKELBACK – FIGURED YOU OUT
The lyric in question: ‘I like the white stains on your dress.’
But Nickelback win the contest for the worst lyrics ever with this charming line. Who knows? Maybe the white stain was a fashionable choice? Maybe it was worn-out, when she arrived on the date late and with a slight limp? Maybe she was spending that time eating a mayonnaise baguette and some dripped… Look, she’s cheating on you, Chad. Probably with a proper band like Foo Fighters.