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The BRIT awards are here and the categories are lined up. I have scoured iTunes and have decided that the singles could do with an Oracle Of Film analysis. I was going to do the other categories, but Ben Howard, Emeli Sande and Paloma Faith are pretty much just sharing the prizes. However, there is some interesting variants to the singles. Bearing in mind that these singles are meant to represent Great Britain and our music, the same country that brought the Beatles and David Bowie to the world (aww, Grandad – moan the teenage readers), I feel that they need to be the best of the best. So allow me, over the course of the next three weeks, to wean out the weak ones, so the UK can reign triumphant over the rest of the world’s music. David Grohl is getting cockier each year, goddamnit!

15 – STOOSHE – BLACK HEART

Fantastic start to the nominees – he says sarcastically, while rolling his eyes. I have never understood why people like this song. Again, I shall go back to an earlier argument this website made – fourteen year old girls are pretty much in charge of our music industry. This band tick all of the boxes for what the stereotypical teen girl wants to listen to: men are bad, girl power all the way.

They are pretty much Little Mix in the 60s

They are pretty much Little Mix in the 60s

OK, I admit it is pretty catchy: a reason I let this song slide, expecting it to slip into the background. But seeing it on the list for best single of the year makes me cringe. At first, I thought Stooshe was a single female artist. I hear my music on the radio, so I was unable to actually see the band. All of their voices sound the same, something I loathe about bands (Sugababes are my favourite girl band, because I can actually tell which one of them is singing during the song). It is a simple, safe choice of song and seeing as I cannot think of one other Stooshe song that did as well, I am going to predict that we shall never hear from this band again.

14 – RUDIMENTAL – FEEL THE LOVE

Now this is a song. I have no idea where Rudimental came from, but I hope they stick around, because their songs always manage to stick a big grin on my face. ‘Feel the Love’ just puts you in a good mood, with the use of a soulful voice and an upbeat tempo. In an industry full of lazy club beats that don’t stick around in a memory, this is a refreshing addition to the charts and genre.

If I had one gripe with this, and it is needed when comparing the apparent 15 best British songs of the year, it is that the song is slightly too long. At 4.27, the song does slow down in the closing third of the tune and get slightly repetitive. It’s only a small flaw, but it can sometimes annoy me, when I just want to listen to a upbeat tune. However, seeing as it has been around for some time now and I am still listening to it, choosing it over newer club songs, it deserves a place on this list.

13 – ROBBIE WILLIAMS – CANDY

I am not really too sure why I like this song. Don’t get me wrong: it is fantastic. The tune gets stuck into your head first time around and the lyrics are simple enough that before long, you are singing away without really focusing on the words. It is the kind of pop song that we don’t really get anymore.

It is normal for someone to be murdered in London for wearing a pink suit.

It is normal for someone to be murdered in London for wearing a pink suit.

On paper, there are a lot of flaws. Yes, it is pretty poppy, something that we don’t really associate with Robbie, a singer known for either amazing rock and roll tunes or powerful ballads. The lyrics do not really make that much sense: it is almost as though him and Gary Barlow free-styled for a bit, selected a bunch of words that rhymed and kept them into the final cut. I am not really sure what the song is about (I am guessing a naive girl, but why should I be ‘locking up my sons and daughters’?), and it seems like the kind of thing I am sick of the music industry spewing out.

But why is it so good? Easy question to answer. It is so much fun. Robbie is back and, as ever, he can put a big grin on our face.

12 – RIZZLE KICKS – MAMA DO THE HUMP

I am not a massive fan of Rizzle Kicks. Sure, every now and again, they bring out a song I will happily listen to (Down With the Trumpets deserved a few listens), but overall I am not a fan. At first, I thought they were bringing something fresh to the rap scene, but after having a listen through their album, I decided all of their tracks sounded the same.

‘Mama Do The Hump’, in fairness, was the best song of the album. It is a bit of a laugh and fun to dance to. Rizzle Kicks do have voices that can blend with the music, almost as though rapping compliments the song, rather than becoming the song. There is definitely talent there. Enough to become the best British single? I can’t see it.

11 – RITA ORA – R.I.P

Rita Ora is a fantastic singer. She has brought out some great tunes in 2012 and after watching her live on X Factor, I had to admit she has a voice to back up the fame; she is more than some auto-tuned pop star. She brings out the kind of music that I like and I want her to stick around.

Why are you rubbing against me? Rita? Rita?! Stop it! STOP IT!

Why are you rubbing against me? Rita? Rita?! Stop it! STOP IT!

Annoyingly though, R.I.P is a weak song choice, compared to her other songs. I imagine it was nominated through the message of the song (again, brilliant for fourteen year old girls). And it is good: I like the lyrics, voice and a welcome addition of Tinie Tempah. But my problem with the song is that it jumps around too much. Rita Ora is singing and then it cuts into a sample from Nneka’s ‘Heartbeat’. Then it speeds up and slows down again, never really building up to a promising drop, as it sometimes promises to do.

It’s a song that never settles and I think that makes it hard to relax to. It’s not a song I would decide to put on, when chilling in my bedroom. However, if she did end up winning, I wouldn’t be overly bothered: she has brought out several great songs, this one is just not for me.

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