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EXT. JEFFERSON HOSPITAL. SAN ANDREAS

Sunny day in San Andreas. Gunshots ring out, but everyone
ignores them, far too interested in talking about their
interesting day.

STONER
(to seemingly no-one)
I smoke because it gives me peace
of mind!

An ambulance pulls up at the hospital. The frantic ambulance
drivers rush to the back and pull out a stretcher, carrying
a bloody, dark-skinned man. He has received several
injuries. This man is CARL JOHNSON.

AMBULANCE DRIVER
This man is in critical condition.
Get him to a doctor, quick!

They rush him inside.

CUT TO:

INT. JEFFERSON HOSPITAL. DOCTOR’S OFFICE

A few hours later, Dr. Alec Jones is in his office, lost in
worry: did he leave his sex toy in the police station
bathroom or not? Before he can remember the answer to that
troublesome question, a nurse knocks on the door.

DR. JONES
Come in, Cassie.

CASSIE has a worried look on her face.

CASSIE
We need to talk. It’s about the
patient we brought in a couple of
hours ago. Carl Johnson: Street
name, CJ.

DR. JONES
Ah, yes. What about him? I heard

It appears he absorbed all of the bullets.

It appears he absorbed all of the bullets.


his injuries were very severe.

CASSIE
Yes. He was riddled in bullets,
when we found him.

DR. JONES
He is lucky to be alive.

CASSIE
Actually, that was not the reason
we brought him in. Yes, he was shot
several times, but he somehow
managed to heal himself with no
more than six hours sleep.

DR. JONES
That’s… remarkable.

CASSIE
Yes. In fact, we found several
wounds on his person. He has been
stabbed, sprayed in the eyes with
paint and even attacked by what
looks like a sex toy.

DR. JONES
Sex toy?! I… uh… continue. What
was the actual cause of death?

CASSIE
We think it was an attempted
suicide. For some reason, CJ
thought it would be a good idea to
climb to the tallest building we
have here in San Andreas and jump
off of the top, even though there
was a perfectly usable parachute
left lying around on the roof. He
fell about 120 meters, before
landing, unprotected in a busy
street.

Pictured: a wimp.

Pictured: a wimp.

DR. JONES
God! How did he survive that?

CASSIE
It gets worse. That’s not where we
found him. He got up, perfectly
fine, and walked a few blocks,
before he was finally stopped.

DR. JONES
Impossible! How?

CASSIE
It appears that a plane happened to
crash on that street, crushing him.

DR. JONES
Well, I must rush to him. You will
need my medical expertise to save
him, surely.

CASSIE
Actually, he is fine. He slept it
off once again and is ready to be
discharged.

DR. JONES
Jesus! Why hasn’t anyone written a
medical journal on this man?!

CASSIE
That’s not why I am here, Doctor.
He had certain items on his
possession. Illegal items.

DR. JONES
Oh.

CASSIE
In fact, he had an arsenal.
Military grade sub-machine guns,
sniper rifles, all kinds of
handguns. He even somehow got his
hands on a katana and a rocket
launcher.

DR. JONES
How did he get his hands on them?

CASSIE
Without a license, I reckon. He is
obviously a criminal, sir. Maybe he
is the one who shot up that drug
den the police were undercover in?
Maybe he is behind the break-in at
the military base?! The fire truck
that was stolen and driven off a
bridge, killing that police
officer?!

DR. JONES
What are you suggesting, Cass?

CASSIE
Well, we need to contact the
police, sir! Get this man arrested.
DR. JONES
Do you know how much paperwork that
would entail?! No, no. Just release
him. I am sure he has learnt his
lesson.

CASSIE
You can’t be serious! Of course, he
will kill again.

DR. JONES
Confiscate his weapons. I am not a
monster, Cassie.

And with that he was ready to punch a prostitute in the kidneys!

And with that he was ready to punch a prostitute in the kidneys!

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